Rebekah Antkow is a spiritual visionary, energy worker, author and artist. One with a huge heart, a contagious laugh, and a deep love for all people.  🙂

Raised way off-grid in a family of five, Rebekah grew a healthy curiosity during her childhood in wild isolation. She was taught to question and consider things from many different angles and perspectives.

Excelling in school, Rebekah graduated with honors while also earning a prestigious International Baccalaureate Diploma. Thereafter, she completed a Bachelors of Arts in History, through the University of Northern British Columbia (UNBC), and was on track to become a teacher in 2002. Rebekah had her priorities though, and motherhood came first. 🙂

After the birth of her children, Rebekah was no longer interested in looking back and teaching history. Instead, she became consumed by questions about the world her children would have to endure in the future. The prospects broke her heart. And the enormity of trying to raise chidren without honest hope? That broke her mind.

Rebekah spent her 30s in and out of the hospital, battling for her mental health. While her family and husband were as supportive as they could be, Bipolar Disorder was an experience too vast for explanation. And yet, it is an explanation so many people now badly need to hear.

Rebekah understood this early into her illness and began recording her inner and daily life. The good, the bad. The delusional and sad. Very quickly, she noticed that some of the words pouring so beautifully onto her pages were too divine to be her own. Ideas she had never before understood flowed often from her pen.

Intuitively, Rebekah recognised that her special way of connecting with Spirit had some power. She wanted to know what would happen if she accepted and opened her mind to all the ‘crazy stuff’ Spirit was decoding for her. What would those ideas become if she traced them to completion? She needed to find that out… because the world she was leaving to her children seemed to have no answers for them.

Following her heart and gut was grueling and terrifying at times, but Spirit began showing Rebekah how to crack the codes in some common words to reveal deeper truth in more complete ways. Then there was the work of assimilating those deeper truths, and re-learning all that they impacted.

Today, Rebekah not only believes that playing with words can unlock secret meanings, she also enjoys making up games to play with Spirit now. Crazy or not, Rebekah’s creative mind enjoys the way different word choices can change the focus, scope and flavor of almost any situation. In both real and written life.

With this mindset, and a powerful connection to Spirit, Rebekah has become an accomplished author. She has written over 120 short-stories and is working to compile a book series about her Bipolar experiences.

Rebekah now works as a freelance constructural editor, specializing in spiritual memoires and book series. She enjoys workin one-on-one with authors… to catch their vision, to help them pinpoint the energy they feel in their own story, and to explore how to make the words convey exactly that.

Rebekah’s ability to remove the clutter from a story, showcases its raw and real quality. This has empowered authors to bring award-winning stories into publication. Ones that are built from the heart, encourage contagious laughter, and offer depth and love to all people.

Rebekah lives in British Columbia, Canada. She is grateful for the beautiful life she enjoys and hopes her heart will always be a light to the world. 🙂

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Maybe this is an ever-changing blog. I keep re-writing this page, because it is not always easy to descibe yourself.

Try it. 🙂 Weird, right?

There is another reason why this is hard. I am in the process of an incredible metamorphosis in my life right now.

The cocoon I was in for many years has been broken open for a little while now. I have the instinct to fly, but I am only beginning to understand how. I feel brand new in an old world, my self-concept still emerging. I have not yet seen my reflection, nor am i congizant of my full beauty.

I have what is inside of me. My spirit, my heart, my personal vibration. And it is that vibration that i hope to share. If I follow my Spirit Call, where will it lead?

If I share it here, maybe it could lead all kinds of people to all kinds of places. And collect us together in a oneness of beautiful individuals? Maybe it could even encourange a new way of thinking, so we could feed our old world with the nutrients of love and laughter that it needs to heal itself.

Mmm… I am bipolar, so I have big dreams and I dont always know how to get to them. But, I’m learning and changing as I go… and I think that’s beautiful.

Sometimes my thoughts wander and stop. They will change directions completely… only to return again and again to the same ideas. I am trying to shed the belief that I must be perfect, so i can instead just be real.

If I’m honest, though, I don’t acheive authenticity as often as I would like. It’s hard. I’ve got all kinds of things going on inside here now that I dont understand anymore. Really, I’m still just trying to recognise myself.

I used to be a caterpillar, after all. With lots of feet. Oh my god! Where are my feet? I’m losing all my feet?! 🙂

It’s been traumatic, you know? And now, you want to know about me? Well, me too! 🙂

In fact, thats the quest I’ve just chosen for myself. You can come along if you want. But I cant promise that I’ll be able to fly straight. I suspect im the kind of creature that floats and flutters… and follows is own inner flow.

Flowing like the wind and water. Sparkling with the love and laughter. Learning to recognise my own beauty. In my ever changing state.

I hope this for you too.

B, just b.

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Want a little more?

Rebekah’s Story

Busy lives. Living on auto pilot. Just going through the motions…. Numbed out zombies. Vacant stares. Moments of passion that sometimes flare… but always fizzle.

We want to make a difference, but the enormity of life makes us feel small and powerless. We know the system is broken but no one knows what to do about it. We do the best we can, but it never seems enough. That’s just life, right? Normal. Ordinary. Sane.

Or so I’m told.

I wasn’t born into this world, though. I come from a world most people can’t imagine, living a life most people wouldn’t want. When I was 6 months old, my parents began homesteading in the middle of the wilderness… building a cattle ranch 100 miles from the nearest small town. For my first ten years, I lived in isolation… without electricity, without running water, and without phones. The neighboring ranches were miles away too, so living off-grid while being home-schooled didn’t provide much for socialization.

For the most part, the world I grew up in had only four loving family members for me to interact with. And there were benefits to that. I grew up free from manipulation in my world. There was nothing I had to protect myself against and everyone had my best interests at heart. We had high morals, good healthy foods, and family that meant everything to us.

When we did venture into town for monthly supplies, I would watch the people with wonder and curiosity, from the outside looking in, but it didnt register with me at this age that my utopian impressions of life were odd. Life was good and people were wonderful. In my cozy cabin surrounded by pristine paradise, I felt normal, ordinary and sane myself.

I did not stay that way.

After spending the first decade of my life, carefree, apart from society, my family left our ranch and we moved to town. Like being born in the 1800s and then dropped into the twentieth century, I was socially lost when I started public school… for the first time, at Grade 4!

I learned very quickly that my utopian ideas about life made me different. My behaviour was odd, my trust was misplaced, and my peers were quick to point that out in cruel ways. I spent half my life trying to fit into normal before realizing that was never going to happen.

You weren’t born to blend in. You were meant to stand out. That’s what the voice in my head told me. One of them. There were many voices in my head. Spiritual playmates from my childhood. Why wouldn’t I trust them?

The world wasn’t ready for the love I wanted to share. They didn’t know how to see what I could with my unique perspective and it was hard to find words to describe it to them.

As I grew older, they came to me for counsel. They wanted to be heard but thought my ideas were too simplistic and naive to follow, so I couldn’t heal them from their sadness and pain. All I could do was listen… and hurt for them.

In my 30s, the empathic pain became too much. The love and care I offered was not reaching enough people and I was spread too thin. The darkness in the world seemed to be winning, but I couldn’t bear the thought of so many people suffering. I began searching for a way to save my whole world at once.

The silent tears of emotionally broken men, the terrified screams of missing women, and the agonizing cries of starving children on the television… I would do anything to show them that someone cared. Anything to bring light and protection… anything to help them believe in themselves.

My empathic heart needed to feel that joy from them… the awe and delight of them discovered who they really are.

I did something big then. Something so spiritually dangerous, it was unthinkable… risking my eternal life to bring peace to the dark beings that torment us. Because healing them seemed the only way to end their torture of my people. There were tears and prayers and sacrificial offers made to a God I did not yet understand.

It took me a long time to crawl out from under the religious trauma… to deconstruct the Christianity I was raised with and to reconstruct a vibrant and powerful spirituality I could share with people.

The in-between was messy. Very messy. Those prayers and offers took me through the Dark Side of the Christian religion, and I had to learn to hold my own against my personal demons.

They fought back… hard… mental torture that I navigated alone, because my peers were unable to hear me. They were all locked into the normal, ordinary, sane world they knew.

And I was clearly not.

Nine times… psyche ward lockdown… across seven years. You would think I would learn my lesson. Sit down. Play dumb. Leave society to its pain.

But I would not listen. I believed in my people. I knew they were great. I knew their dreams were worthwhile… and possible. Even if they didn’t know it.

That Dark Side pushed me past my sanity and the stigma of mental illness was crushing. Bipolar Disorder felt like a label stamped on my forehead and I lost credibility with every loved one I had… all at the same time.

Their whispered fears made me hurt for them and I fought my guilt for causing their pain. I struggled with the loss of connection, while trying to maintain their version of normal as best I could.

In my loneliness, I turned toward heaven but the religous idea of a judgemental God did not comfort me. Instead, I asked to know God’s personality, his hopes and his dreams.

Through signs, synchronicites and visions he began to show me his emotional and personal side. His playfulness and his sense of humor.

He didn’t ask for perfection or obedience but I came to understand that if i wanted it, I had my own spiritual GPS to protect me and guide me past the danger.

Bipolar Disorder was an incredibly intense experience for me. The Dark Side pushed their version of my cold dismal reality harder than I can explain. They filled me with paralyzing dread and anxiety that made me want to crawl out of my skin.

… but… breathtakingly beautiful manias carried me through the devastating lows. Intrusive thoughts tried to convince me to end my life and we battled for years about who would win.

In time though, I was able to quiet those dark voices in my mind. I learned how to answer them without giving them my personal power. I began to work with my own energy and rewrite my life’s story so I could love and accept both the light and the dark. And now I think of those dark spirits as burnt out entities starving for love and light. Most of them struggling under their own tyranical elite, just as we are.

It took years for me bring these spirits to peace, but their constant attacks made me strong, quick and agile in my spiritual, psychological and emotional well-being. These dark teachers made me who I am, but I like to believe that my love for them healed something in the spiritual world too.

I’ve been topside for a decade now. Having walked through my own kind of death, I feel like a new child experiencing the world for the first time. Every experience exquisite. Living on long-term disability, I have been blessed with the time and space to explore my inner intricacies and to restructure my mental programming. I am learning to trust myself now, as Spirit shows me how to identify the voices I hear. I delight in the spiritual downloads I receive, and I try my best to live them out so I can marry that world with mine.

Those raw downloads come all the time now. Divine insight about how to clear the clutter and navigate the roadblocks that once kept me from happiness. Merging my utopian childhood with the world around me, I try to think of this broken world as a spiritual kingdom… war-torn but winning… We don’t realize that yet. And our elite are still provoking each other, waging war and force-feeding us fear with fake news…

…but we are a brave and powerful people. Some with threadbare souls. Some with paint peeling. But in our hearts, we still want love to win out. And the heart is what matters… because it is the heart that holds the power to manifest our tomorrows.

I spent half my life trying to fit in… and failing. In time, though, I noticed that we all feel like that. That we all have dreams of living a happy purposeful life, surrounded by people who we are safe to love, searching to find the ones who believe in us.

We want to know what we can trust and what we can’t. We are hoping and praying someone can make sense of all this, but mostly, we just wish there was a little more magic in our lives.

In this mentally ill, crazy bipolar life I have lived, that is one thing I have found. The magic is within us, and every day Spirit shows me a little more.

It is for this purpose that I write. This magic is not just mine. It is open to all of us. And the magic is our birthright… a part of the Creator Spark we were all given when our cells came to life.

We have forgotten. The truth about our greatness has been concealed from us. But maybe that is finally changing.

The posts I will share on this website each contain their own kind of magic. Sometimes I weave those words together like works of art. But I have noticed that sometimes the raw download of Spirit is more powerful. As such, you will find both here.

It is my hope that these writings help you find your own special magic. I cannot tell you how to reprogram your heart and mind, but I do know that the right truths will resonate with you.

Those things that stick with you and last… the repeating themes in your life… the predictions you can make when you look at the patterns you have lived… those are the ones to play with.

Follow the curious and dare to believe in your own greatness. Spirit is waiting to share a quest with you to grow your personal power. Take what you need from me and toss out the rest.

If this site is not for you and I can leave you with only one piece of advice… forget about searching for happiness. Just follow your de-light. Because that is how you follow the light.

Sending you so much love…from British Columbia, Canada….

Rebekah Antkow Rozek

Or the way I like it….

B, just b… 🙂